


Is This What It Feels Like To Really Cry?

by wibblywobblydemonydeducythings



Category: Supernatural, sabriel - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Archangel Gabriel (Supernatural), Crying, Established Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt Sam Winchester, M/M, Trickster Gabriel, angsty fluff, mention of time travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 03:17:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2797595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wibblywobblydemonydeducythings/pseuds/wibblywobblydemonydeducythings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Gabriel have been going strong, it's been a few years since they saved the world from Lucifer and Michael and they finally got together. Sam had one condition, no more trickster. Would Gabriel be able to keeps that promise? And what would happen if he didn't and Sam found out?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is This What It Feels Like To Really Cry?

**Author's Note:**

> First of all I want to thank my friend, my beta and also my artist for their amazing help/work. He's been such a pleasure to work with and I'm very thankful for having him.  
> Show him love by checking out his personal blog on Tumblr: snowedindestiel And his art blog, also on Tumblr: winterofashes  
> Also I have made a [playlist](http://8tracks.com/lucifer-milton/sabriel-is-this-what-it-feels-like-to-really-cry) to go along perfectly with this little fic so how about you give it a go?  
> 

    Things were as bad as possible. Sam had thought that the worst was behind them. The apocalypse had come and passed two years ago, and Gabriel came out of his angel protection program after he had faked his own death.

 

After all the flirting and the unresolved sexual tension, all the confusion and uncertainty, they were finally together.

 

   The first few months were amazing, even magical. Gabriel would snap his fingers and they’d be off on some isolated island with a beer in hand and his angel cuddling around his chest.

It didn’t matter how bad the hunt was, or how obnoxious Dean acted, Sam was always grinning at the thought of reuniting with his beloved partner and going off somewhere exotic, or even back in time.

 

Sometimes, Gabriel would show up in the middle of a job, and steal Sam away for a quick vacation.

 

   They went to ancient Rome, they saw Pompeii, and they had a picnic on top of a Pyramid. Dean would bitch and moan about how Sam is not “allowed” to take off in the middle of a hunt, which was Gabriel’s cue to remind the older Winchester that he wasn’t Sam’s boss at all.

 

   Their relationship was perfect. Nothing could go wrong, except for everything. Sam had made Gabriel promise him he would never go back to his Trickster ways, that this part of his life was over, and he was not going to tolerate any kind of trickery. Of course Gabe promised and afterwards he slapped his ass and said, “Anything for my Sasquatch.”

 

“Don’t call me that!” Sam barked, smiling after he had turned his back to him.

 

A few months had passed, almost a year, and Gabriel was staying on the course. No Trickster, no punishing douchebags. Nothing. But boy was that boring.

 

   While Sam went on hunts, Gabriel was left alone in the bunker because, “ _I don’t trust him on hunts_ ” was always Dean’s response, followed by, “ _you wanna be his boy toy, be my guest, but he’s not interfering with the job_.” It was almost like a broken record with him.

 

   Oh dear how pissed he would be, if he found out that Gabriel had helped on more cases than Cas had been on; that Succubus in Boston, the Doppelganger in Wisconsin, and the Skin Walker in Minnesota amongst others. All of that was kept a secret, but it still wasn’t enough to keep Gabriel preoccupied, and bit-by-bit he started slipping off the wagon.

 

   It started with a small trick of tied shoelaces played on a jerk. He was terrorizing the waitress at the restaurant, where Sam had invited him to enjoy a very fancy meal at. It happened while Sam was in the bathroom and it was done before he got back.

   That night he felt really guilty- not about the lousy guy mind you, but about breaking his promise to Sam and lying to him about it. He really wanted to tell him, he even woke him up in the middle of the night, but then changed his mind and pretended he was looking for a quickie -which Sam ignored of course.

 

   The days rolled by and the boredom was setting in; he was going to literally crawl out of his skin. Sam had gone on a hunting trip with his brother and his ‘not-boyfriend’ Castiel. It was getting insufferable, but Gabriel fought it really hard. Eventually he popped in on them and took Sam away for a while.

 

This time, the trip was very romantic; they went to the release of sky lanterns during the Yi Peng festival in [Thailand](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thailand). They stayed out all night long and had the most amazing time ever.

It was perfect.

   The problem was; all Gabe was thinking about was that trick he had played on the man in the restaurant and of how good it felt. It was starting to get irritating, and Gabriel was getting restless.

 

   Another opportunity presented itself; it basically fell in his lap. A man was screaming at a beggar in the street because she had touched his Armani suit. Oh, how taunting it was to watch that man scream for five minutes straight and the poor old woman who was crying her eyes out, looking so helpless and defenseless. And oh, how simple it was to make a large biker man, who was passing by, trip and spill his hot coffee all over Mr. Armani, who didn’t dare say a word. It was the most satisfied and amused Gabriel had been in a year.

 

   Small tricks turned to bigger tricks, and Gabriel was in danger of getting caught more than once, which made it all a bit more thrilling. But he knew how to cover his tracks perfectly. Things at home were not as good, though. Sam could feel Gabriel sneaking behind his back, he could feel them drifting apart and there was nothing he would say or do that would make it feel less painful. He didn’t know what was going on, all he knew was that Gabriel was slipping through his fingers.

 

So they fought, a lot. Sometimes even twice a day over small, petty things; like leaving the room a mess, or clogging up the shower drain with hair. They were insignificant things to cover up the gigantic mess that was becoming of their relationship.

 

One night, Sam had prepared something special. He was cooking Gabe his favorite meal, and he made him six different types of dessert. Sam was more than excited to be having dinner with his angel, he thought to himself, “If we made it through one year, we’ll make it through another.”

 

   Unfortunately, Gabriel had no recollection of any talk about this dinner, and of course he wasn’t listening to Sam that morning when he was telling him that he had prepared something special for the evening. Maybe he had heard him, but it meant nothing since tonight was like every other night. Little did they both know, that this night was not going to end up how either of them had expected.

 

   Sam had just finished setting up the table when Gabriel popped in suddenly with green goo all over him. He froze and gawked at him, Gabe immediately snapped his fingers and conjured another set of clothing on his back.

 

“Hey, Sammy-kins! What’s up angelass?” Gabriel said, with his voice shaking nervously.

 

Sam put down the plate he was holding, and approached Gabriel; he looked at him suspiciously and asked, “What was that?”

 

He had flames in his eyes. His worst fears had come true.

 

“What? The paint? I was just painting the bedroom, Sam-I-am.” He lifted his arm, trying to tuck Sam’s hair behind his ear, when Sam snapped back, and repeated slowly and intensely, “What the fuck was that, Gabriel?” He clenched his jaw, and stared straight into his soul.

 

Gabriel froze; you could see the gears turning in his head while he was trying to come up with a good lie. Suddenly, the master of trickery was one trick short.

 

He cleared his throat before saying with the most serious tone Gabriel had ever spoken in, “It’s alien blood. Well, supposedly. Okay? Happy?”

 

“You’re back at it again, aren’t you?” Sam said, trying to push back a tear. Gabriel tried to touch him again but this time he shoved him while shouting, “Don’t touch me, I don’t trust you!”

 

“You don’t trust me? Are you fucking kidding me, Sam? I wasn’t cheating on you for fuck’s sake!” He exclaimed.

He was hurt at the mere notion of distrust between the two of them.

 

   “No, what you were doing was far worse and even more disgusting.” He had an appalled look on his face as he continued, “You’re a monster Gabe, and we should have killed you back in that theatre.”

 

He untied the apron from around his waist and walked away. That’s when Gabriel became furious, his grace seeped out of him, only a little, and the lights started flickering.

   Sam looked back in shock; he had never seen Gabriel like this before. During the moments of darkness as the lights flickered, he could see three sets of wings shadowing on the walls. They were huge, and they almost glowed a golden colour, similar to sunlight on a soft spring afternoon.

 

“You’re not going anywhere! I’m not done talking to you!” Gabriel’s voice was thunderous, it filled the room, and it was loud.

 

    At first he was amazed, the hunter in him was curious and wanted to see more, but then the human in him-the hurt, broken human inside of him- took over and he turned back around and started walking away. He didn’t, for one second, think that Gabriel would do what he did next. With a snap of his fingers, he had Sam flying in the air and dropped on a chair that was five feet away from his original post.

“You will listen to what I have to say!” His voice was still too loud.

 

“Are you crazy! You’re a fucking monster!” He jumped up from the chair and started walking again.

 

   The fear and panic, which Gabriel had heard in Sam’s voice, shook him back to his senses. He was slowly gaining back control over his grace and reeling it back into his vessel, his voice was slowly normalizing.

 

After he had gained complete control over his temper and his grace, he ran after Sam and pleaded,

“Wait Sam, I’m sorry!”

 

   He put a hand on Sam’s shoulder, but his lover shrugged it off and cut his sentence mid way to say in a very serious and calm tone, “No Gabe. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore, I’m gonna take a walk to clear my head and,” he paused, he couldn’t bring himself to say what he was about to say, but he did anyway “I want you gone before I come back.”

 

With that he walked away, leaving the kitchen and eventually the bunker.

 

Gabriel stood there, frozen in place, unmoving- actually unable to move. He did want to sit down, but his body was on complete lockdown.

 

 _‘Did that just happen?’_ He kept thinking, ‘ _did we just break up?’_ It was very surreal; the whole thing happened way too fast and got out of hand completely. He wasn’t really ready to take any steps or make any movement, it was almost as if he thought that if he didn’t move, all of this would not be set in stone.

 

   Finally, his legs gave in, fifteen minutes later, but he couldn’t find it in him to walk, or even fly. Instead, he crumpled down on the floor where he had stood when Sam; the love of his life, his soul mate and his reason for being, had told him it was over.

 

   He sat on that floor, shocked and in disbelief for almost thirty minutes, replaying everything back in his mind on a loop. He was trying to look for any sign that Sam was just angry, that he didn’t mean a word he said.

He found none.

Sam was calm, level headed and he meant every word.

 

 _It was_ _over._

 

   The slamming of the bunker door shook him out of his reverie. Sam was back, but Gabe was still paralyzed. ‘ _They call it shock paralysis’_ he thought to himself as he wondered what the hell he was still doing in the bunker.

Sam did not say a word; he came in the kitchen, saw him on the floor and completely ignored him. He took one of the three pies he had baked for their dinner and left for his room.

 

As Gabriel followed Sam with amber -kicked-puppy- eyes, he noticed all the food his boyfriend had cooked and it suddenly hit him,

 

_‘It’s our anniversary!’_

 

Sam had left and Gabriel was still trying to get a grasp of the shocking revelation he just had. It was their first anniversary and they had just broken up.

   He stared at the floor for a good, long while before he felt something warm rolling down his left cheek. He lifted his hand to touch it and see what it was. Still in a haze and in shock as his fingers touched something wet and warm, only then did he realize that he was crying.

   The first few tears ran down slowly and quietly, but the echo of Sam’s voice kept ringing in his ears. ‘ _I’m done, I want you gone_ ’ and then it was like someone had broken a faucet; tears streamed down his face, and soon came the sobbing, he had no idea he had all of that in him.

 

Sam had just dumped him, he was immobile on the floor, and he was crying and sobbing grossly might I add.

He cried, and cried, and then cried some more.

   He didn’t know exactly how bad it was; after all, this was his first time crying. He only realized, it was getting out of hand, when he started sniffling and gasping for breath. He couldn’t stop and he couldn’t control it.

 

His nose was running and he had no tissues around, still unable to move, unable to even conjure any tissues. He grabbed the edge of his long sleeve, and wiped his nose with it.

 

   From behind him he heard a broken laugh, he turned around and there he was. Sam was standing there watching him, tears on his face and eyes all puffed and red. He looked at him with pleading eyes, and then his chin quivered as he started to cry again.

 

Immediately, Sam ran to him and fell to his knees, hugging him tight- so tight that he gasped for air, which made Sam back off, but Gabriel wasn’t ready to let go.

   He took a deep breath and then tugged Sam back into another hug. They cried into each other’s shoulders; Gabriel was sniffing Sam as if he was trying to completely inhale him. He wanted his scent in his lungs, running through his veins.

Sam was caressing Gabe’s hair, twirling and tangling his fingers in it.

 

   Ten minutes later, they were still sitting on the floor in that same position. Sam backed away from the hug, looked into Gabe’s eyes grabbing his chin with his thumb and index, and pulled him in for a long a passionate kiss.

   Gabriel was a bit shocked at first, but it didn’t take him too much time to get into it. Their tongues tangled as they explored each other’s mouths. The kiss started out so gentle and soft but soon turned into a heated, passionate kiss of a lifetime.

They pulled away to gasp for air and Gabe just rested his forehead on Sam’s and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

 

Sam cupped his face and kissed him again, very gently, almost a peck but not quite. Then he pulled back and whispered, “I love you.”

 

   Gabriel smiled at his husband, for at that moment he had decided to marry him, and hugged him tight. Sam grabbed his boyfriend by his thighs, wrapped his legs around him as he got up and walked out of the kitchen.

 

   Gabriel buried his face in his neck, snuggling him and sniffing his hair. Sam smiled at the gesture, he kissed his cheek softly and walked through the empty hallways of the bunker with his angel wrapped around his waist.

 

“Let’s go to sleep.” Sam whispered.

“Olani hoath ol.” Gabriel replied.*

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> *Olani hoath ol= I love you. (Enochian)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed that, please leave kudos and comments if you did. Your comments are what keeps me going.  
> Also don't forget to check out the artist's blog(s) and give him a follow if you'd like to, I know for a fact that he wouldn't mind at all.


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